You're so nebulous sometimes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize