Nicole vs. Life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
