Your face is a jimmy john
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
