The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
