don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
