True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
