It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
