oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
