Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
