my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
