marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
