Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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