his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
