I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
