Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
