One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
