Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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