Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
