Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
