Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am one with the molecules
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
