After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
