we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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