you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
