every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
