Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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