you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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