Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
