My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She's the barista slut.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Boobs are out for the taking
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
