Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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