I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
