So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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