In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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