just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
