we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
