Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
