my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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