i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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