Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
