What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
