I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize