I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
