Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
