I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
