How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
