Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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