You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
