Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
