How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
