In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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