can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
