The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
