ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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