Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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