Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
