Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize