I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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