he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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