one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
