I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
