I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
