Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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