It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
