I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
